Wouldn't it be nice that if during big transitions everything else would just stand still? I am sure you've been there before. Waiting for a new baby, a big move, a new school or career or a new relationship. But regardless of the fact that every morning brings you closer to chapter two, life keeps moving. The dog still needs walking, the kids still need diapering and the husband still needs feeding.
The pace at our home has definitely picked up. There are piles everywhere labeled "Leave or take, give or sell?" My husband's brain is brimming over. Even a Type-A detail-maniac husband such as mine can get overwhelmed. He's busy at work, at home, and in-between. But there's things at home that haven't changed much. And it would go something like this.
Mornings are grueling. If we can just make it through the first few hours of the day, then we're okay. The kids have way too much energy for 6:00 a.m. and on good days the boys pick on each other and I intervene in a loving tone. The girls nap after breakfast. Bella is rolling over back-to-front and wakes herself up ANGRY and unable to roll back over (she's yelling at me right now in fact). The boys can watch a cartoon while the nappers nap and sometimes that rolls into longer TV time than planned and they get antsy and I get irritated at them but more so at myself. Sometimes we play outside on the slide which involves the referee in me to intervene so we don't have too much blood and tears involved. My four year old is learning how to be contrary from his little brother who is learning how to talk back from his older brother. With such teachable spirits, they are learning fast.
Asha is up by 11:00 and we're playing upstairs now where it's so hot and humid I can barely stand it. My pajamas are sticking to me. I've decided it's much easier to just sleep in yoga pants and a t-shirt so I can roll out of bed and begin the day without ever having to change clothes. Ingenious. The two things that make me cranky beyond repair are humidity and cold toes. So sometimes I'm a bit cranky in India. And I'm cranky in America with cold toes. I don't see a winning solution here.
Lunch means coaching the team that the first shall be last and the last shall be first. Which means Lukas is crying because Shane is first and Shane is yelling "I am NOT first" and I am trying to explain the deeper meaning to God's teaching but I don't get it right because I'm distracted with Asha who is trying to weave herself through the boys to wash her hands. And I'm grabbing the camera to capture the moment of her washing her hands for the first time!!, while the boys continue to wrestle with their words. Bella may or may not be yelling at me during all this, in her bed, on her tummy.
Lunch is over and there is rice everywhere but we've had a nice conversation about dragons and God and Bugs Bunny and cartoons we will watch when we're as tall as daddy. Naps are next. That's pretty set in stone. Lukas will always put up a fight and sometimes weep as he's climbing the stairs and by the time he's crawling into bed I'm the best mommy he's ever had (quote, unquote) and I tell him "I love you too Lukie" and he says "Yes, you DO love me mommy." It's true. I do.
Asha and Bella are sleeping again, and Shane is consistently inconsistent. The last few hours of the day before dinner is another test for me (have I mentioned my plea with God for more patience and His seemingly deaf ears to me?). There's play-time on the floor, or outside on the porch which means Asha will be on my lap and Lukas will be trying to sit on my head and Bella will be bouncing in her bouncy seat and Shane will be running around poking us on our faces. After Lukas gets a snuggle (which he needs every 15 minutes all....day.....long) he's dancing or prancing or running or cracking jokes.
Asha is up by 11:00 and we're playing upstairs now where it's so hot and humid I can barely stand it. My pajamas are sticking to me. I've decided it's much easier to just sleep in yoga pants and a t-shirt so I can roll out of bed and begin the day without ever having to change clothes. Ingenious. The two things that make me cranky beyond repair are humidity and cold toes. So sometimes I'm a bit cranky in India. And I'm cranky in America with cold toes. I don't see a winning solution here.
Lunch means coaching the team that the first shall be last and the last shall be first. Which means Lukas is crying because Shane is first and Shane is yelling "I am NOT first" and I am trying to explain the deeper meaning to God's teaching but I don't get it right because I'm distracted with Asha who is trying to weave herself through the boys to wash her hands. And I'm grabbing the camera to capture the moment of her washing her hands for the first time!!, while the boys continue to wrestle with their words. Bella may or may not be yelling at me during all this, in her bed, on her tummy.
Lunch is over and there is rice everywhere but we've had a nice conversation about dragons and God and Bugs Bunny and cartoons we will watch when we're as tall as daddy. Naps are next. That's pretty set in stone. Lukas will always put up a fight and sometimes weep as he's climbing the stairs and by the time he's crawling into bed I'm the best mommy he's ever had (quote, unquote) and I tell him "I love you too Lukie" and he says "Yes, you DO love me mommy." It's true. I do.
Asha and Bella are sleeping again, and Shane is consistently inconsistent. The last few hours of the day before dinner is another test for me (have I mentioned my plea with God for more patience and His seemingly deaf ears to me?). There's play-time on the floor, or outside on the porch which means Asha will be on my lap and Lukas will be trying to sit on my head and Bella will be bouncing in her bouncy seat and Shane will be running around poking us on our faces. After Lukas gets a snuggle (which he needs every 15 minutes all....day.....long) he's dancing or prancing or running or cracking jokes.
Sometimes I look around and I think I'm going to go crazy with craziness. I'm quick-tempered. I make hasty comments I later regret and ask for forgiveness. I've even give up on myself at times. But my kids love me. They LOVE me. I don't get it and never will. Their love makes me a better person. I want to shine for them. There is so much love swirling and whirling around me all day long (Lord, help me see that even in the temper tantrums!). I look at each one of my children who have somehow carved their own individual place in my heart. My existence is unimaginable without them.
This is what's happening in our home these days. The real deal. No sugar on this coating. Boxes and piles and a bit of chaos. But there is also a love that is trying trying trying to work itself out in tangible day-to-day ways. It's really really hard. But I'm convinced it's worth it. So I'll just keep trying and believing. I believe.
5 comments:
I don't have children (or a husband, yet, for that matter!), but I read every word of this post hungrily, picturing clearly the chaos, and seeing echoes of my own various chaoses in your words.
Praying for you and for your four littles and your husband as you transition countries amidst the things that really don't change.
Lisa
Oh Lib,
All of that sounds SOOOO familiar, but with your words i van laugh... In my home, well... I try to laugh!! You are SUCH a good mom!! And I can't wait to mommy together!!
Rachel
I LOVE this post. It made me laugh out loud as right now, in my own house,I have 2 different tvs on while I catch a bit of computer time and they've been on more than I feel good about! And I think you're right about the love, too :) I sure wish I was seeing you in a month....but I TOTALLY understand. XOXO
I love your blog.
That sounds exactly like my day, minus one kid (and no morning naps). As for God's deaf ears, I beg to differ - I think the way he answers our request for patience is by sending us more kids. Someday when we AREN'T caring for a whole housefull of preschool kids at once, alone, we'll look at ourselves in whatever situation we're in and say "Look! I'm so PATIENT!"
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