This mean-streak didn't seem to end. I agonized how my loving first-born had turned into this monster. I knew he wasn't naturally touchy-feely like his mommy, but this so sinful behavior blew me away. So blatant. So mean. I began to pray. Every night. "Lord, make them friends. I know they are so so different but give them love for one another."
To make matters worse, I was hearing and reading from friends who had also given birth to their second child. And the stories of the love and affection between sibling was heartwarming. The kisses, the tenderness, the hugs from the first-born to the new baby. It warmed my heart but not without pangs of jealousy, wonder, awe, and frustration. Why couldn't I have that too? Was I a freak-mom? Why couldn't my babies be friends too?
I, of course, had reason to worry about the birth of our third. Would Shane's ruthless behavior continue? What about Lukas? But the tides have shifted. It's my turn now. Shane is 3 years old and Lukas is 17 months and Asha is 3 weeks old. And the three of them, especially displayed by the boys, are connecting as siblings. It's my turn now to tell of sweet, heart-warming stories. It's my turn to talk about the affection I see in Shane towards Asha, how he says "I love my baby sister soooo much" and wraps his arm around her. It's my turn to see Lukas, our natural lovey-dovey-kissy-huggy boy caress her head and pat her tummy. The tides have turned and I get to see the other side that I have so longed for.
I don't know if it was an age thing for Shane. Or if it was because Lukas was a boy and he felt competition. I don't know if his gut now tells him to be gentle as she is his sister. I really don't know. For whatever reasons, it's been a true joy to see both Shane and Lukas blossom into their big brother roles. My heart is warmed. And I have reason to believe that our family not only grew in size but in heart and maturity as well.
4 comments:
Calvin and Hobbes were a year and a half apart, too, and it took Calvin a long time to warm up to having a little brother. Now that they are 5 and almost 4, they are best buddies. And when Linus was born, they both fell in love with him. I think it is the third child, not the gender, that makes the difference. Once the first two have learned to negotiate life together a bit, a third doesn't seem as big a threat. They can just enjoy the sweetness of a baby. Isn't it wonderful to watch? I have so many sweet pictures of my big boys and their baby brother from those first months. Enjoy!
That's wonderful to hear! What a joy for you all to experience together.
Some "experts" have tried to predict how to have siblings become best friends by spacing them x-number of months apart. Others have advised and over-advised on what parents need to do to accomplish such good will. In the end, it can be neither predicted or arranged. Children are born with different personalities and with a nature bent toward sin (in spite of their cuteness). It has to be worked out stage by stage--sometimes by the parents but more often, I think, by the kids themselves with parental guidance. Even little ones have to make choices.
Oh I really identify with this!! I am glad it is going better for you this time! Marshall had such a hard time when Samara was born (mainly with her noise) and we even had an episode where he bloodied her face when I stepped away to take a phone call for just a second. (I was heartbroken, to say the least!) They still battle but they are also friends now, and I have the same feelings about having our 3rd here in a few weeks - maybe this will be "my turn." :-) I am so hoping this transition is different (more loving) than last time!
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