I decided to give it a try.I used to pray; I used to remember what answered prayers felt like, looked like.
I used to remember sensing Someone bigger than me was very...very...near.
I used to remember the power of the the unthinkable happening.
But I stopped. Not on purpose. I wasn't mad or begrudged. I just stopped. I've never boasted to be in control. I know I'm not. I just stopped. That's all.
Maybe it wasn't important to me. He, maybe, wasn't.
I decided to give prayer another try a few months ago.
Lord. I kinda believe. Help me, I guess, in my disbelief.
I'm a little in awe of God right now. Just a tad frightened.
He's so huge. He's awesome huge. Mountain-moving big. Mustard seed big.
Why do my lips seek forgiveness though I boil inside?
Why do I hear His whispers...so loud...so loving?
When I fail miserably in relationship, why do I sense my need for reconciliation?
Why, when I pray for others, I am first changed and find odd delight in that?
Why do these arms raise to the sky in wonder at the unknown?
How does your message of peace enter into my mind during the most random times?
Messy and untidy, I am stumbling along.
He is good. Boy oh boy, He is very very good and I am very very not-so-good.
But...
I am beginning to see how prayer changes circumstances; watch it mend what's broken; sense it bind the plans of Evil; tastes victory over my desires (not all!). This is just the beginning. But it is the beginning nonetheless.
That's my story.
But don't take my word for it.
2 comments:
My husband just read along with me. His response, "That was good." And that was after reading the first two lines or so and commenting, "That sounds like something I would right." My husband is a smart man...I would have to agree with his assessment. I would love to think about some of those moments of God showing up in your life, dear friend. Speaking of prayer, tomorrow is our big day. Probably as we sleep tonight, actually. I'll be sure to let you know when we hear if we passed court or not. We would appreciate your prayers. I love you, friend.
This really resoninates in me... to pray again. The only thing is I haven't started again - not consistently. He is here. He is bigger than me. I have not forgotten, but I also have not experienced the sweetness in quite some time.
Your post has encouraged me.
I pray (I will as soon as I am done writing this) that God will continue to bless you and pull you into Him.
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