sometimes

sometimes....

life is not the way it's supposed to be.
We are taught that if we pray this way and believe in this,
that if we step out blindly....
We are taught that formulaic words work,
that believing in prayers, good actions and good works
bring success.

sometimes...

it does. sometimes our prayers are answered, sometimes we pray and see Him work.
Sometimes a specific word is said and prophecy is fulfilled.
Sometimes blind steps forward result in mountain-moving things.
Formula's work sometimes.
Prayers are answered and good intentions return good results, good actions return happy customers, and good works count towards a good day.

sometimes...

life is not the way it's supposed to be.
the world pauses for a moment and grief strikes.
Not a soft poke or a subtle reminder of what pain could be.
But part of the sky opens and pours down a cloud of black and tearing through the blackness the sharp splits of thunder crash and we cover our ears. and run for cover.

But even under cover voices are heard, and pain is neither dulled nor silenced slightly.

Sometimes life is not the way it's supposed to be. the pain we see in others could never be ours, their tears we'll share, but never embrace ourselves. And then the skies split and we do. and we do. and we are in the pit that doesn't end.

Sometimes the path of grief needs one more warm body, sometimes it needs an entire community.

In such times, at such hours, I question the goodness of God. I wonder why it is that though I am taught that a happy home comes from prayer and role modeling, you and I talk and you share your broken heart of an adult-child's bad choices though you prayed and you prayed and you prayed. I wonder why it is that though I am taught that God knows the desires of our hearts and will give that desire, you loose your heart when you lose a one loved and I wonder out loud about a God I serve and love and completely and totally do not understand.

Life certainly is not the way it's supposed to be. Has it ever? I can't wait to see it all sorted it out.

Some day it will all be sorted out.



For you and you and you and you who've invited me to share in your pain especially in the last few months.