A lil' lonely.

Today was the first day I ventured out with Shane to the grocery store. I needed to get more Gerber's and Huggies. Both essentials for the time being. From the time I strapped Shane in his car seat to the time I walked back into the house with three grocery bags, 30 minutes of time had passed. Actually, the grocery run took 15 minutes; I simply tagged on a Starbucks run. I entered the house singing "God bless American, land that I love..." And I do. I LOVE this place for it's absolute conveniences. I am blown away at how much I am able to do within even one hour of time. I had a window of time, 1 hour and 30 minutes, to accomplish my errands before Shane's nap. I got not only ONE, but TWO essentials done (yes, 'Bucks was essential). Whizz here, whizz there, the smooth roads taking me sailing, turning left, blinking a car light here and there, stopping slowly, and maneuvering through lines on a white painted road. My only distraction? The lack of distraction. I was focusing so much on the lack of distraction, I was actually distracted.

But I have to admit. I felt lonely. I'm accustomed to not only eye contact but body contact too when out and about. Especially with Shane. I stood in line at 'Bucks and there was neither eye contact, body contact, or verbal contact. One woman did pass by and glance at Shane saying "How cute" under her breath with a smile.

And I felt It. The bubble of Independence, the bubble of Me, and My Space and My Time. I felt it, I acknowledged it and I held it with respect. I did not ogle at the other kids around me. I felt It and It intimidated me. I felt myself closing down to those around me.

So I hail the grocery run as a smashing success, and standing in line for coffee was an experience I needed to have as well. It opened my eyes to Me and what I can do, but what I don't really want to do.

Next time I will do more ogling and googling. I will respect It, certainly, but I don't appreciate it's hold over me.